In the last post, I talked about goals. There’s still a lot to discuss, so I’m back for a little more. Plus, I want to create a new bucket list.

Let’s recap last week. I said that most of us are setting goals that are not inspiring us, and they are mostly unrealistic. Plus, they’re far too often mostly materialistic.

Having things and making money is not a bad thing. What I said is that JUST chasing stuff is a waste of time and unfulfilling. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I spent years making bucket lists and creating vision boards with pictures of me being showered with money and gold. Sorry, but thinking about it now makes me laugh.

I look at life now as there being two perspectives: one is from the ego, and one is from the spirit. I’m not getting religious here, only saying that there are two halves within us. Ego wants money, power, status, pleasure, and endless shots of dopamine. Spirit wants fulfillment, purpose, connection.

Yes, having money allows one to be comfortable, do fun things, and take care of family. I agree. A lot of people aren’t chasing money for good reasons. Most people seem to be chasing money for the things I mentioned: status, power, and pleasure. That’s not going to inspire you. It’s a fantasy. Also, chasing that goal will turn you into a hamster spinning endlessly on a wheel.

I brought up the example of my grandfather to help make the point. He spent his life acquiring things and respect and admiration from people. Near the end of his life, all of his money and stuff were gone, and none of those people were there to see him off from this world.

Watching him lie in that bed in his final months got me thinking, what will we have left when this life is nearing the end?

Memories.

When this is all said and done, all that’s left are the memories we have of the life we lived. Was it a good life? What are the memories you will get to enjoy? If all you did was try to attain stuff, you’ll have a very empty bank of memories. Honestly, tell me, does stuff really make you happy? How long is it after you buy something that that thing starts collecting dust and it’s out of your mind while you’re trying to attain something new? I would argue, we’re just trying to experience the joy of getting something new. We’re addicted to that feeling. We want one-night stands for the excitement of something new, but not the meaningful relationship that brings us true joy and fulfillment.

Now, let me get to the other part of my claim…most of our goals are not realistic.

When I used to set financial goals, I placed images of money, and all the things wealth could get me on my vision board. Yet, there was never a real plan or a realistic plan on how I’d get them. Something people don’t like talking about is that making money is not easy. There are very few jobs that pay a lot. There are even fewer businesses that will make you wealthy. So how are you going to become rich? I’m not saying you can’t, but just thinking the universe is going to drop a bunch of money on your lap is a waste of time. Are you going to become a self-help coach (because there aren’t enough of those) and try and sell back to us the stuff you stole from Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, or the people of The Secret?

I have a career, and I’m paid well. Nothing that’s gonna help me buy a mansion where I can park a Ferrari. Still, I’m more than comfortable. I love my job. I know there are people who hate their jobs. I get it. What I would say to you, if you start a business great, or why not get a job you actually can enjoy. Besides, are you starting a business because you have a passion for something, or because you think it’ll allow you to avoid the grind of a 9-5 life? Do you understand that running your own business means you’ll be on call 24-7, having to take calls, make sales, and do deals at all hours of the day, fighting to get every dollar possible? Most new businesses fail in the first three years. It usually takes a few years to become profitable. Also, only a fraction of a percent ever makes more than a million dollars annually in revenue.

So, if your plan is to start a business, remember you will work harder than you ever have, and the chances of becoming rich are slim to none. If your plan is to become the next Tony Robbins, well, enjoy those Ramen Noodles in your tiny apartment. Making it to wealth, whether through a career or your own business, is going to be a climb and there’s no guarantee you’ll get there. It’s not that you shouldn’t try. Just be realistic, like the father who thinks his kid is the next Tiger Woods. Nice to try, but he’s likely not.

That’s what I mean by realistic. I hate that things like The Secret fool people (and I was one of them) into thinking that all you have to do is visualize it and wait for the universe to make it come true.

If you want something, create a realistic plan. You wanna buy a new car or a house, then make a plan to save a small percentage of your income every year that will go toward that house. Make sure you build up your credit. Then find the community that is affordable to you. It may take years, especially in this market. If you want to have a specific career or business, then do it because it will bring you joy, not because of the paycheck.

I come back to what I said earlier. Don’t make things goals. Set goals to find experiences.

Can I tell you, if I see a person with goals or a vision board that has great riches and success on it, I know they never will achieve it. I have spent the last thirty years as a radio and I have interviewed thousands of people, many of the most successful people in the world, from sports to entertainment, to politics, to business. What did all of those people have in common? Most don’t read self-help books or follow The Secret. More importantly, most never worry about the finish line. They don’t set things or money goals. They are so focused on the process that they never give success a second thought.

One of my favorite examples is former football coach Nick Saban. He famously said this after winning…

But given that his golf buddy had just won the national championship, Rumsey figured he ought to say a few words of congratulations. So he did, telling Saban his team had pulled off an impressive win.

“That damn game cost me a week of recruiting,” Saban grumbled into the phone.

That’s not even my favorite one. When he was the coach of LSU, he once went off on the team and the media after a win. Yes, they won, and he was angry. That was actually a normal thing for Saban. Because he reminds me of all those successful people I’ve ever interviewed. They care about the work. They’re obsessed with the process. They don’t care about the end of the line and all that will come with winning. Saban cared about getting better than he ever did with the trophies.

@jlawsports

Angry Saban 🚨 #motivation #nicksaban #alabamafootball #coaching #saban

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So, when I set a goal now, I think about the experiences, not what I’m gonna get out of it. Example: for most of my life, I had a dream of becoming a published author. To be honest, the goal was to be a bestselling author, making millions, and being loved by millions. (Hello there ego, I see you.)

Today, I still write, but my goal has changed. I want to experience life as a writer. What does that mean?

To be a writer means I must write as much as possible; I must read as much as possible; I must talk about writing with others as much as possible; and I must publish as much as possible. If I’m doing those things regularly every week, then I am living life as a writer. That means, I’m experiencing life as a writer and thus I am achieving my goal.

Remember an important point. I’m not doing this so I can check off that little box on my list as accomplished. That’s just a guide. I want to have the experience of being a writer as often as I can.

If you’re thinking, but how do have a sense of success without something to hold showing you succeeded? For me, it’s not about a thing. Like coach Saban, I’m obsessed with the process. Truthfully, ever since I made that shift my writing output increased by a factor of a hundred. I am writing more, and it’s improving at a faster rate. My goal is to experience writing, not to try to climb a ridiculous mountain to become a bestseller. Besides, you have no control over that. I may never sell millions. I can write, though, and every day I can call myself a writer. Plus, my experiences in life are richer, because stuff is actually happening in life, instead of just having a goal or a picture on a vision board.

So that was the first thing on my new bucket list. Here are a few others.

I want to let go of my anxiety and need to control everything in my life. I want to live life like a surfer. Some of the happiest days of my life were in college when I spent a lot of time on a surfboard. I would strap on my board and wetsuit and paddle out into the water. I connect with nature, never trying to control her, and always going wherever she takes me. Some days the waves will be but ripples. Other days, they will be mountains. Whatever life presents me, I will appreciate and enjoy it all.

I want to break out of my need to hide myself at home and get out more to meet people where they are, and from that build friendships and relationships that will change my life.

I want to experience life as an artist. Instead of daydreaming about creating art, I want to have a pencil or brush with me always, drawing and painting whenever my heart desires. I don’t want to do it to become rich or well known, but to express myself. I want to share it with people, even if they don’t like it.

I want to achieve the best health possible. I want to have a healthy relationship with food, sleep, and exercise that brings a nice balance in my life. I want to feel that I can reach my greatest physical potential for my age.

I want to make my current relationships with my girlfriend, my family, and my closest friends as meaningful as possible by never taking them for granted. I always want to express to them how important they are to me.

I want to treat my job like the most glorious mission. Thinking about what I learned from one of my favorite authors, Mitch Albom, I want to treat my current job as a gift and an opportunity to serve others for the greater good.

These are the most important goals for me now. From this, I will create a more extensive bucket list. See how everything I am chasing is about experience, and not a thing to hold. These goals inspire me. They move me to act now. The stuff I used to do never did. I hope you find your path in life and all the fulfillment you can.